On Jealousy

I once had a sub become amazed that I wasn’t upset over her finding another Dom attractive and that she might be interested in playing with him.  She had expected me to be angry when I made her admit it.  I tried to explain that it wasn’t necessary to hide behind some foolish idea that you might not find other men attractive.   Because that’s exactly what it would be, foolish.   She had always found some other men attractive, before she met me, since she met me, and she will after I’m just a memory.

Instead of this foolish notion, I’d rather have her honesty and openness about what she’s thinking and feeling.  I don’t ever want her to feel the need to hide feelings or thoughts from me.  Many feelings can get better once you let them out.  Sometimes I might even be able to help.  Sometimes just talking about it helps.  I want to be the person she comes to and talks to about anything, anytime, always, without fear of any adverse reaction.

In most instances, I have allowed my subs to experience other Doms, Many of my subs are first timers and I believe this helps them learn and add to their expectations and knowledge, I also have enough ego not to worry about them being stolen away,  to be secure in the bond that we have.  I am also secure in the knowledge that I don’t know it all, and that she can learn from others as well as me.

Now, am I totally unemotional when they go off to have orgasms at the direction of another man?  Well, I am human, and yes there is emotion there.  But it is easily controllable and overcome. I’ve never found one to love me any less because another man directed an orgasm. I lose nothing, and she gains experience.

For now the only ropes I can put on her are on her heart and mind.  I know her body will crave other ropes.  I will let her go and search and experience. If she is mine, she will return, if not I have set free someone who didn’t belong to me. I’ll still have the most wonderful memories of a beautiful woman who was mine for a while.

But.

My agreement with my subs says, “All of these rules apply outside of your marriage, your work and your other real life relationships.”

Spouses are different.  I can’t explain that.   I’ve heard it expressed by subs many times that, “I don’t care if he’s married, but I want to be his only sub.”  I’ve never heard it from a Dom, but its true, nonetheless.

I usually encourage my subs to put their marriage first, to try their best with it.  To grow together and learn together.  I know I come second here, and it doesn’t bother me in the least.